This may be the first year that I look back at my list of “resolutions” from last New Years with any sort of peace in my heart. Part of that was that I stopped calling them “resolutions” and instead labelled them as intentions.
Being a writer, I ought to know the importance of word choice more than anyone, but all these years that I have tried and failed at almost all of my “resolutions,” it never occurred to me that the rigidity of the word “resolution”, might have been part of the problem. The rigidity of it appealed to me too of course; my inner critic drawn to the highly controlled concept of changing everything I didn’t like about myself with the simple flip of a calendar page. But then inevitably, life would get in the way, or my priorities would change, or unforeseen circumstances would derail the things that I thought ought to hold the most weight in my new year.
And I used to see these shifts as failures—but this past year, my word for the year was a concept and a practice I have desperately needed to learn all my life. I needed to learn how to befriend my so-called “failures”. I needed to learn how to PIVOT.
Why have I always believed that changing my mind about what is currently most important to me is a failure to live up to my own standards? Why have I allowed the things I thought were most important at the beginning of a calendar year to rob my joy of the things I actually chose to accomplish? Why, until this year, have I refused to celebrate the meeting of goals that brought me joy?
By setting this past years goals as intentions instead of “resolutions,” I gave myself the gift of pursuing what was most important to me at any given moment. I gave myself permission to change my mind, to be flexible, and to let go of an “all or nothing” mentality when it came to progress. I tried and failed and tried again. 2024 is just another year in which I can do the same—continually making progress and growing into a person I am proud of becoming.
Is it horribly obvious to say that of course I did not meet all my intentions for 2023? And that’s okay.
Some of them were crossed off as early as Easter. I wrote in new ones part way through the year. But I made measurable progress in areas of work, family, and my own mental and physical health this past year—and as I look at my list from last year with intent to set this upcoming year’s intentions, I don’t even feel a hint of shame. I feel proud, and I am able to objectively look at last years intentions and decide what still fits my goals, and what is no longer serving me.
If you are here, it’s because you are a paying subscriber, and as a paid subscriber, I feel a deeper level of trust with you—so I thought I’d share a real photo of my actual 2023 intentions with you. Not for any kind of accolade, but just so you can see what it looks like to gently pursue progress.
Some of the intentions that I am most proud of meeting, are actually my intentions around life giving boundaries. Both in my work life, and in my relationships, I set intentions for life giving boundaries for myself. Things like “do not take on more than I can comfortably handle” under my business goals and “set boundaries that lead to flourishing in self and others” in my relationship category.
You may also notice that I set the intention to self-publish my book of poetry as the Sparrow flies this year, but after our farm season began realized I was going to need to pivot from a fall launch to a winter launch in 2024. I just didn’t have the bandwidth to get it all finished in time without killing myself, and I was able to realize that and make adjustments. While I certainly could have allowed the feelings of failure to crowd out the peace of that decision, my word PIVOT kept me centered and helped me to celebrate the fact that I had much such significant progress on my book as a result of having set the intention to publish this year in the first place. (The book is on track to release Feb 20. 2024!)
For you, this might look completely different, but I just wanted to invite you as you read all the articles that stir in you the seasonal desire to make life giving changes in your life (something that can certainly be a good thing), consider how setting intentions instead of “resolutions” might help to you make more meaningful and flexible progress as life continues to throw things at you.
And put some fun ones on there! You may notice I wrote in at the top, “become an avid reader again” (I DID! I finished 26 books this year, not counting dozens of audiobooks I borrowed from the library—the most I’ve probably read since college), and this year I am considering putting such silly intentions as “start watching the Drew Barrymore show” and “stay in bed late every Sunday morning.”
I highly encourage you not to make intentions out of any sort of shame, but rather befriending the failures of your past, allow the hope of the future to lead you into a joyful path of life giving changes in the areas of your life over which you have some agency.
Might learning to rest be one of them? How can I help you with that?
(In case you need them, Emily P. Freeman has some amazing resources for self-reflection, especially seasonally, so be sure to check out her website and especially her book The Next Right Thing. I have been highly influenced by her work in this area, and I am so grateful.)
Be well Dear Reader—and may the light of the New Year fill you with hope, and not despair. You can learn to pivot, and befriend your failures—you’ll make more progress that way anyways.
Warmly,
Grace E. Kelley