Sabbath? In this economy? #1

Five Ideas for Pursuing Rest in the midst of Crazy Seasons

Photo by Abhishek Koli on Unsplash

I probably don’t have to tell you that rest is important. If you are here, you likely already know that very well.

I probably don’t have to tell you that finding time/space/resources for rest in this culture seems to require a degree of privilege—the way many folks on the internet idealize and romanticize rest can make it feel inaccessible to those of us that are working multiple full time jobs just to make ends meet. Not to mention, those of us who are parents of young kids who even while “resting” still have stinky diapers to change, infinite snacks to fix and the seemingly inevitable puddle(s) to mop up.

Part of the impossibility of weekly rest seems to come from the lack of support. Single parents, military spouses, and those who either are themselves working multiple jobs just to bring home the bacon, or whose spouses are doing the same, may have an even harder time finding a weekly rhythm of rest than the average person. But my hope is that even if this is you, that you will find some practical help for carving out a little weekly rest for yourselves.

These past two and a half years have been the most intense of our life, and by all rights we should have burned out yet again like we did in 2019 when illness and the overextension of a sabbath-less ministry life had finally taken their toll.

I thank our weekly rhythms of rest for the fact that we haven’t completely and totally lost our marbles yet. The following list is in no way prescriptive, but I hope you may find something here that may help inspire you and your family to carve out a little rest, no matter what life looks like right now.

1. Friday Night Pancakes

The very week we moved into our new house with our five kids, two of whom were only 6 weeks old, we realized we needed at least one “brainless/easy” dinner per week. As a family with special dietary restrictions (gluten and dairy sensitivities), we didn’t have the option to just order pizza or get takeout once a week to give ourselves a break. But thanks to our Thrive Market subscription and the very excellent King Arthur Gluten Free Pancake Mix (not sponsored, I just love them), we had an easy option that was always a hit with the kids, and so we instated Friday Night as Pancake Night. We decided that this would also be the night that my husband would cook each week. (He is an excellent cook, but I have been the default meal preparer in our house most of our marriage as the stay at home parent. Now that we both work from home and juggle childcare together this dynamic has changed a bit. I plan to share more about this in my next post.)

Some Fridays we doctor up the pancakes and make them Blueberry Lemon Pancakes, or most recently S’mores Pancakes (chocolate chips & mini marshmallows—not a mistake.) Other Fridays we keep it basic. But every week, we have the peace of knowing that whatever else happens in our week, or whatever craziness is on the agenda for our weekend, Friday Night is Pancake Night. And this simple practice alone has taught me to never underestimate the power of taking even just one thing off one of the spinning mental plates I’ve always got going in my head.

2. Nights off

About a year ago, my husband and I started doing something that I would have 100% judged myself for doing in a previous time of life. Once a week, we give each other a “night off.” Tuesday is my night, Thursday is his, and it works like this: whoever’s night off it is gets to eat their dinner in our bedroom in peace, Netflix & chill, read a book, take a bath etc., while the other parent juggles all the evening things like dinner prep and cleanup, and bedtime routines.

Years ago I never would have understood this. I would have thought, “but isn’t it overwhelming to have all that work to do one night? Don’t you guys miss out on family time since one of you is not at the dinner table two nights a week?” And sure, this method has its defects—but it is also not a forever solution. These past few years with so many young kids have been INCREDIBLY intense, and the potential to become burnt out is so very high. But knowing that I am getting a moment to myself at some point in the near future helps me to stay more calm even in the exhausting moments because I know that rest is coming. If I want to get together with a friend, I have a designated night on the calendar that is already set aside for me. On weeks when writing time hasn’t been plentiful, sometimes I can use my Tuesdays to put pen to the page.

I don’t think we will need to do this forever. But for the past year, it has been a real sanity saver, and so we are still going strong on our nights off. If you don’t have a spouse you can do this with, perhaps you might reach out to a friend or another family member to see if there’s a way you can swap kids for an afternoon a week so you can get a bit of a break. Even just knowing that rest is on the horizon can help you hang on during those really intense moments of overwork and exhaustion.

3. Heckle Free Dinners & Paper Plates

When you are living life with a lot of little people, sometimes mealtimes can feel like the most stressful parts of the day. One way we have sought to combat this in our own home is that on Sabbath (which we typically observe on Sunday) we practice what we call “heckle free dinner” and we break out the paper plates. On “heckle free” dinner nights, we let the kids pick what they’d like to eat from our assortment of leftovers, and we decide to not worry about how much, or what exactly they eat (within reason). Paper plates give us a night with fewer dishes and less clean up. The kids are often just as relieved as we are to have a night free of “heckling” and they like the independence of getting to pick what they’d like to eat from our random assortment of leftovers. At least one of them ends up eating oatmeal for dinner, while someone else eats plain noodles and the world does not end. It’s fine. It really is.

4. Family Movie Night

This isn’t exactly a specific night of the week, though sometimes we lump it in with Friday Night Pancakes. To be completely honest, these past few months of launching my book as the Sparrow flies has led to far more screen time than I would like, and we are currently trying to cut back. But since the twins were little, Family Movie Night again has become a staple in our weekly tradition where once a week, we snuggle up on the couch with all the faux fur blankets we got from my MIL for Christmas and tuck into a movie. (We recently watched The Family Switch with Jennifer Garner and the kids ADORED it.)

You can make popcorn, but just be sure you’re prepared to vacuum the next day. Sometimes we’ll even make a “snack-y dinner” of crackers, cheese and fruit, and eat down by the T.V. You can it as complicated or as easy as you want. But the trick for doing this well with little kids in my opinion, is to have everyone get in PJs and tidy up for the night before you start the movie. But there are plenty of nights we skip this too. It all depends on what you are your family need in a given season.

5. Book Club (OR time to laugh and connect with friends.)

Okay this bullet doesn’t really have to be book club—that’s just what my thing is. This bullet is about having a date on the calendar, mine is once a month, where you get to laugh and connect with your friends. Parenting small children is a lonely time, and fun is an often undervalued part of rest. Laughter really is good medicine, but as the very wise Dr. Seuss once said in his book The Cat in the Hat; “it’s fun to have fun, but you have to know how!”

Yes, I did just quote Dr. Seuss, but as a recovering people pleaser, perfectionist and general over-worker—my book club has become a haven for the rest that comes with good old fashioned FUN. It is the place where my friends, kidless and not, can come and be together and laugh about non-consequential things for a night—though we often get into heavier topics as well and this only deepens our bond throughout the weeks between meetings.

Your thing could be something totally different; a ladies brunch, or a happy hour one night a month, or an escape room OR… anything! All that matters is that it’s something fun for you and your friends, and it doesn’t have to cost a lot. Our book club is a potluck meal, followed by the discussion of one book a month (fantasy romance is our genre of choice) and half of us do the audio book, and half of us get it from our library, and no one judges anyone if they didn’t read it, and we laugh and laugh and laugh. The craziest thing about it, is that when I decided to start this silly book club, just because this was the kind of book club I wanted for myself, I had no concept whatsoever that other people would want that too. But it’s been the strangest thing having new folks join us all the time, and wondering only a few months into its creation, at what point are we going to have to stop inviting people? (We’re not there yet, but it’s come up.)

What I’m trying to say is, other’s are hungry for this too. You aren’t the only one if you’ve forgotten the joy and rest that comes with simple nights of pleasure with friends. So my advice to you is to do as Annie F. Downs says; “Chase the fun!” Your soul will thank you.

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These next few months, I want to get practical about pursuing rest in intense seasons—and I would LOVE to hear from you. What are your barriers to rest? (Both mentally and physically.) What questions do you have?

Next month I am planning an essay about gender dynamics in our marriage and how shifts towards a more equal domestic burden have led to flourishing in our relationship and more rest for both of us. Feel free to add any questions about this as well in the comments below as well. And if you aren’t already subscribed, go ahead and do that now so the next essay will land straight in your inbox.

Another fun note: on Tuesday March 19th, you can expect the release of my podcast episode with Sarah E. Westfall of Human Together.

Sarah is a longtime friend of mine and I so enjoyed our conversation. We talked how I got into farming, life things, and the process behind the creation of my book as the Sparrow flies. (When you purchase your copy from my poetry shop, you can get a personalized note just for you along with an autographed copy!)

Sarah’s Substack is one to follow and I absolutely cannot wait to get a copy of her upcoming book The Way of Belonging in my hands. It’s on sale for the whole month of March when you click here so Pre-Order it now!

Okay, that’s it from me. Don’t forget to ask your questions, or leave your thoughts about the barriers you are facing when it comes to rest in the comments below.

Warmly,

Grace E. Kelley