A little while ago I posted on my Instagram, asking folks to share what some of their barriers to rest were. And the following comment has certainly been echoed many times in text messages from friends, DMs from strangers, and conversations around shared meals over the past few years as I have leaned into the practice of Sabbath with my family.
“My barriers are definitely homemaking related (with 5 kids under 9 years.) I don’t know what to prioritize, maybe, in preparation for Sabbath. So much laundry. So much food gets eaten all day (and I absolutely consider cooking “work” at this point.) General clean up around the house—toys, everything out of order. There’s not a day that I ever feel caught up enough to take a break for a whole day.”
Each of our lives has unique constraints—no ones daily reality looks exactly like the next persons, but I’m guessing you too can relate to the feelings of overwhelming amounts of work making it feel impossible to rest. And of course, all of us have laundry. So today, I thought I’d take a little time to give you some background on my own journey to Sabbath, with a few practical tips to consider, before I launch into a series I have entitled “Practical Sabbath,” wherein I will aim to address some of the specific barriers you might be facing as you move towards rest with your friends and family. (Be sure to leave those in a comment at the end of this post!)
How it started—
For those of you who have been along the journey with me for awhile, you may know that I started my journey towards Sabbath in the Summer of 2018. At the time I had a five year old, a two year old, was expecting our third and had no dishwasher. My eldest daughter was going through a very rough season with her health, her severe gluten intolerance was proving difficult to control, and we hadn’t yet gotten a handle on all the foods that were making her sick even though we had outright eliminated gluten over a year before. Our days were measured by “good days,” and “bad days,” with her flareups, but (for better or worse) I didn’t let that stop me from adding ministry and personal items to my calendar nearly every night of the week.
In the midst of all this, my dear friend Laura and I had been planning to take a trip sometime that year during her husband’s deployment. And so it was in the early Summer of 2018, that I found myself on Prince Edward Island, no child but the one in my belly to care for, a handful of books in tow. One of them was Rhythms of Rest by Shelly Miller—and my specific memory of reading it was on the one 75 degree “beach day” we took along the icy waves of the North Atlantic. It was the first book I had ever read about how to make Sabbath a practical rhythm, and it changed my life. Many of the insights I will share in this post, were gleaned from Shelly’s work, or at least started that way. Of course I have developed and added my own ideas to this catalogue in my mind of “how to rest,” over the past five years that I have been practicing Sabbath semi-regularly. But if practical Sabbath is something that interests you, Shelly’s book is an excellent place to start. She has since gone to be with the Lord, but her words remain an encouragement to me, and that book was very much for me, “the right book at the right time.”
I had been through the wringer in that past year—and as a mom of 2.5 kids, one of whom was struggling with an autoimmune disease, I was figuring out that I needed to have some sort of rest in my life if I was going to keep going. I was teetering dangerously on the edge of complete and total burnout. My life with my family, my work in small group ministry at our church, my incessant desire to do all-the-things all-the-time was slowly killing me. Worst of all, I was so prideful that it took me years to admit it, and I scoffed at others who were feeling the need to withdraw from all the “doing” that I felt was necessary for the world to continue spinning.
But upon beginning to read that book, I remember looking up at my friend where we both sat reading on the ridiculously comfortable couch of our AirBnb, and saying, “If I actually practiced this, it would change everything.”
I came back home refreshed from my time away, with a plan to implement Sabbath rhythms for our family. And it truly has changed everything.
How it’s going.
Fast forward to the present day: these past two years have been the most difficult of my entire life. I have fallen off—and had to crawl back on—the Sabbath bandwagon more times than I can count. But the “rhythms of rest” that I began learning from Shelly’s book on Anne’s rainy island, have anchored me in a season that has repeatedly tried to break me.
Even though my own laundry piles still seem to continually conspire against my desire and need for rest—even though most nights still have me walking to the nursery more than once to soothe a restless babe—I have learned that there are ways of resting even in seasons of intensity and overwhelm. And this is what I am so passionate about sharing with you Dear Reader, here at The House of Rest.
As evidenced by this comment at the top of this post, I imagine many of you feel the same way about your meals, your dishes, and your laundry piles. And for those of you who work outside the home—the weekend may feel like the only time to get caught up on domestic tasks.
But you don’t have to be “caught up” to rest. And rest doesn’t have to look like an idyllic one full day of doing nothing.
One thing I so appreciated about Shelly’s book, is that she showed me that Sabbath doesn’t have to look one certain way—but it does require intention, planning, and preparation.
Setting your Intention
The main thing to keep in mind, is to have a set aside time for rest. Maybe you work on the weekends, and so for you, a Tuesday might work better as a day to rest instead of the weekend. Or perhaps you like to start a 24 hour period of rest on the early evening of Saturday, and go until the early evening Sunday. (This is actually much more similar to how the Jews celebrated Sabbath—it was traditionally celebrated from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday, which meant it changed a bit depending on the seasons!) If you find yourself dreading a pile of dishes at the end of a Sabbath (if you decide not to do them that day), sundown to sundown can be helpful because it allows you to set aside time for rest, and still have a bit of time before bed to do the bare minimum to reset your home for the following day. The key here, is to set aside a time, whatever works for you, and intend to rest during that day/those hours.
Making your Plans
Planning to rest may seem counter intuitive, especially if you are the type to live life flying by the seat of your pants. And sure, some measure of rest can happen without much planning—but if the domestic tasks are weighing you down, then a little planning goes a long way towards creating a more restful atmosphere.
For me this looks like deciding ahead of time what meals (and even snacks) we will eat on Sabbath. If I’m really on my A Game, I plan this far enough in advance to make sure that we have all the ingredients we need on my shopping list for my grocery run earlier in the week. With a house full of kids with so.many.toys. it’s also helpful to make sure we have done a thorough tidying before Sabbath so that the house isn’t immediately driving me crazy. If you are a family that likes to adventure together, you might even decide on a fun place to visit, or a hike to go on for your Sabbath rest together—or you might plan a restful family movie night. Whatever is most needful in your family’s season, after the week you have had—you can plan your Sabbath to reflect and meet the needs of your current season.
Preparing to Rest
But one lesson that stuck with me perhaps more than all the others from Shelly’s book, was that in practicing Sabbath, we are asking for and depending on the grace of God. Both in our preparations in the days leading up to a day of rest, and in our extra workload in the day following. When we set aside this intentional time to rest, we are trusting that God is going to make up the lack. That he will provide that extra ration of manna, just as he did for the Israelites in the wilderness.
For our family of seven, I typically try and cook the meals for us to enjoy on Sabbath ahead of time—or I at least prep the ingredients for a quick Sunday assembly. Sometimes its as simple as a bowl of granola with yoghurt for breakfast, and a pasta bake for dinner. It always takes a little extra time in the kitchen the day before, but especially as an allergy family who cannot easily just order in a pizza, it gives me a much needed day off of time in the kitchen. I also plan not to do any “extra” housework—which means on Sabbath I only do the bare minimum needed for sanity and safety. Part of my weekly preparations is simply preparing in my mind and heart to let some of the tasks wait.
The laundry will keep. It might be wrinkled to high heaven, but it will wait. You might have to run the washer a second time, but it will be okay. I know the pull of anxiety when things are out of place. I like my house tidy and neat, and that feels like a near impossible task with five children EVEN WITH daily maintenance. But your soul needs maintaining too. And I have learned these past few years, amidst seasons of deeply painful burnout, trauma and exhaustion—to set aside the domestic tasks that feel urgent (for a day), in favor of the important.
Yes friend, the laundry is important. But rest is important too. And allowing yourself to receive the rest of God will allow you to carry on for the long haul.
I am never going to be the person to tell you to leave the mess indefinitely, or even to leave all the messes. Of course on Sabbath I still wipe poopy buts. I still clean faces. I still dish food onto plates and if someone pukes, I clean that up too.
But I can rinse and stack the dishes for a day. I can break out the paper plates. I can decide to let the crumbs and the dust be. I can look at the unfolded laundry, going wrinkly in the basket at the foot of my bed, and know that another few hours is not going to make it any worse.
There are things you cannot set aside—and for each of us that may look different. My current season is far from what most would consider “restful.” After all, I haven’t slept well in years, so how can I possibly be resting?
But I will receive the rest that is available to me. I will set aside as much as I am able to set aside, for a period of time. And then, when the sun sets on Sunday, or morning dawns the next day, I will arise ready to begin again the good work that God has for me to do with a renewed spirit.
Rest isn’t just for people with only a few loads of laundry.
Rest is for you, tired Mama. Dedicated care-taker. Burnt out worker. I see you. I know you are exhausted. And God sees you too—and I truly believe he wants to give this gift of rest to you, no matter your season.
In the coming weeks, I will try and write a few posts more specifically addressing how you can make practices of rest and Sabbath feel doable and accessible. If you find yourself struggling with barriers to rest, would you mind leaving a comment below and telling us what that is? It will help me so much to know which concerns are most pressing for you Dear Reader, as you learn to rest, whatever your current life season.
As always, I pray for rest for you—especially sleep. And thank you for those of you who have prayed the same for me.
Warmly,
Gracie
This is really beautiful - it makes me think of when a friend mentioned that she started praying for the rest she needed, rather than dictating what that need was: "God, I need eight hours of sleep!" I love what you're saying about rest not just being for those who have freedom over their schedules, and I'm grateful for the wisdom you've put in here. It is a spiritual need, indeed. ❤
Looking forward to the rest of this! I really relate to the recovering busy addict thing. Chronic illness forced my hand on that one but it was a tough pill to swallow! I still have to (ironically) work so hard to let myself rest. One thing that helps is assigning tasks to certain times - i.e. I clean the bathroom on Saturday morning and so when it’s getting gross on Friday afternoon and I’m exhausted I don’t feel as bad for sitting and staring into space because I know it will (probably 🤪) get done. It helps to not just have an endless to-do list, but to break it down into attainable and more specific chunks. Otherwise I just feel panicked, defeated and perpetually exhausted.