**It’s International Women’s Day and in honor of the women who have been shamed, silenced, and worse in supposedly “christian” spaces, I’m taking this poem out from behind the paywall.**
the dark underbelly you’re equal but don’t talk too much. you’re equal but leadership requires a masculine touch. you’re equal but this meeting is not for you. you’re equal but isn’t a smile all the payment you’re due? you’re equal but please don’t ask for more. you’re equal but it wasn’t me, but God who closed that door. you’re equal but you can’t be trusted to discern. you’re equal but your anger is cause for concern.
you’re equal but please lower your voice. you’re equal but you only sit here by our choice. I’m so glad you called this meeting, but please let us be clear: if you’re angry, then you’re bitter and if you’re tenacious, then you’re sinister and if you disagree, then you’re divisive and if you won’t just drop it, you must not be thinking of what Christ did and WOE TO YOU if you long to teach to speak to preach about the Goodness of Our Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ— (just forget about that pesky woman at the well.) woman you’re nothing but a power hungry Jezebel! and sure maybe you would have seen the warning signs—been a little less forgiving of the flashing red lines, but that’s the point isn’t it? we’re here to look one another in the eyes, to smile and look pretty and pretend not to see the withering soul inside (besides his sin is only a few shades darker than mine) and we said we’re sorry, woman why isn’t that enough? forgive and forget. of what could we possibly need to repent? so come now dear sister, shake hands and agree! we know how to deal with a threat to our unity.
Dear Reader,
I wrote this poem a couple weeks ago with a fire in my belly after the news broke of yet another church scandal—one that also occurred in the midst of yet another conservative complementarian space.
I haven’t talked about it much here, because I know this can be a very sensitive topic, and I know that your heart, like mine, likely just longs to honor God whatever that looks like. But it’s been years now since we left our very hard comp/hard patriarchy church (women were not allowed to teach, and it was years of my attending there before a woman was even formally recognized as a paid full time staff member at all) and I feel like perhaps it’s time to talk about some of this.
We left in the wake of a scandal very similar to the one that only recently broke, and I am becoming more and more convinced that these spaces where women are excluded often end up becoming “protective” and toxically defensive of men who are exhibiting questionable behavior. I think that these spaces can sometimes become havens for narcissistic and abusive personalities to hide under the title of “leadership.” And I cannot help but wonder, what signs would a woman have seen that these men in leadership either didn’t notice, or faithfully ignored?
I believe the body of Christ needs both men and women in order to flourish—and yet, so many of us are given the message of exclusion, (whether overt or implied) to our mutual detriment.
This poem is not simply my experience, but it is a composite of the experiences I have heard dozens of times over from other women just trying to exist and honor God in their various spheres. It’s horrible, but it is sadly neither surprising or shocking. And I’m done being quiet about it.
This is probably the most controversial poem I’ve written yet, which is why you paid subscribers, get to be the first to partake of it. But if anything, this poem is an unleashing, and already I know, there is more where this came from.
It’s time for woman who have existed in these limiting spaces to reclaim their birth right as co-heirs with Christ.
Jesus loves you—so very much.
Hello again, well I have read it and printed it. I can’t figure a way to save it. But this poem, your words and passion are everything to me.
Don’t talk too much ~ I’m sure that their eyes rolled when they heard me speak.
This Meeting ~ even my husband being in the meeting didn’t matter. The man in the pulpit was in charge.
Please don’t ask for more ~ God forbid, I asked for more. My husband went to Heaven fairly suddenly. I asked for assistance from the man in the pulpit. So many things that were needed. I was told that I wasn’t an old enough widow.
Discernment ~ a gift that my husband was grateful for. I couldn’t have mentioned it at church.
Lower your voice ~ People complained about my voice and clapping to music. My husband was called into the man in the pulpit office.
We saw the warning signs. My husband died. I waited until the Lord indicated that I could leave. It was one of the most difficult times of my life.
Thank you Gracie, this truly was uplifting and a balm to my spirit. As always, I am grateful for you. 🙏🏼🕯️🕊️🩶❤️🩹🍉🫒🌿
This is eye catching and heart stopping. So many spaces in which women have not been allowed and sad for the hurt many have faced in the church. Thankfully our home church has a full time paid staff female who is our Community Life Pastor and even preaches on Sundays occasionally. I’ve always struggled with Complementarianism because I didn’t see it modeled in my childhood home. I see benefits and drawbacks. Here’s to more contemplation.