when I cannot
you could hear
gasps—
sighs—
the sniffs & sobs tore
their way from my throat
as I lay my head down
on the wooden pew—
a heart too buried
and broken
to stand.
our trust broken,
our community betrayed,
you loved your sin more
than those you claimed to love.
you worshipped yourself
more than the God
who made you.
but He is still here—
even if you are not.
His words are true
even if yours are not.
He’s still the God
who can forgive you
for all you’ve done
even when I
cannot.
This is poem 11/12 from my upcoming collection as the Sparrow flies. From the “in Wounds—” section, this poem touches on the tender topic of religious trauma, especially when it comes as a result of a betrayal of trust in someone you trusted to shepherd you.
Unfortunately, I am not the only one with this story. You’ll find this poem, and others like it in as the Sparrow flies where I grapple with the truth of who God is, even when those who claim to serve him, do not live with integrity. You can preorder now in both paperback and ebook formats from various retailers.